


Dracula's Hitting On Me

by aladyindarkshadows



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Dean is super clueless, Halloween, M/M, really bad vampire pickup lines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-12
Updated: 2015-10-12
Packaged: 2018-04-26 03:23:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4988254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aladyindarkshadows/pseuds/aladyindarkshadows
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Charlie tricks Dean into coming to her Halloween costume party to set him up on a date. He thinks he's waiting for a girl to show, but Dracula keeps hitting on him. Charlie did set him up with a girl, right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dracula's Hitting On Me

**Author's Note:**

> The pickup lines are all Google's fault. Mostly.

For the sixteenth time that evening, Dean wondered just how he got roped into this. What horrible mistake did he make to deserve this? What terrible misstep led him here? Oh yeah, it’s all the fault of the redheaded Xena currently making out with a fairy.

Perhaps it would be better to start at the beginning.

* * *

 

Charlie had stopped by his dorm with her Nintendo 64 for a little classic gaming.

“Got any plans for next Saturday?” she asked.

“No, why? What did you have in mind?” His car sped past hers on the pixelated road.

“Just a wee little get-together with a couple friends in the floor’s common room.”

“’Just a wee little get-together?’ In the common room? What are you really up to?”

She through a shell that he effectively dodged. “Why should I be up to something?”

“Because you always are.”

“Fine, maybe there’s someone I want you to meet.”

“Charlie!”

“No, you’ll really like them, I swear. Super gorgeous, dark hair, blue eyes, totally dreamy, and exactly your type.”

“Exactly my type? You don’t even know my type.”

“Sure I do!”

“Cup size?”

“Don’t be crude.” His car tried to push hers into the barrier, but she broke away. “But bigger is always better. Dean, listen, there’s no pressure. But will you just come and hang out? There’s gonna be other people and stuff, so you don’t even have to think of it as a date. Just get a little flirt on, and if it doesn’t go well then no harm, no foul. Will you?”

Her car raced through the finish line with his stuck in an exploding heap.

“Fine,” he sighed. “I’ll come and meet this girl.”

* * *

 

Somehow Dean had forgotten that the next Saturday was also Halloween. He hated the holiday. And Charlie’s “get-together?” It was a Halloween party complete with tacky décor, a million different tracks murdering AC/DC and Warren Zevon, and costumes. Everyone was wearing a costume. Everyone, that is, except for Dean.

“Charlie!” he said angrily when he found her in all the iconic leather getup of the warrior princess. “What the fuck?”

“Don’t worry, you aren’t costume-less.” She handed him a roll of paper towels. “With that 5 o’clock shadow and flannel you’re the best cosplaying Brawny man I’ve ever seen. Plus, stick around and you’ll be handy with the cleanup.”

“I’ll cleanup you,” he muttered.

She frowned. “Really, Winchester, that’s your comeback?”

“Watch it, Bradbury, or you’ll be soon joining me as Mr. Clean. So where is she?”

“Who?”

“The not a date person.”

“They’re around—probably’ll find you. Mingle, have fun. I’m gonna go introduce myself to the hotty with the fairy wings over there.”

Dean watched as Charlie mingled with a few people before casually walking up to the fairy. Dean grabbed a drink and picked a good spot to stand and scan the crowd. He tried to spot the person that would make Charlie use the descriptor “dreamy.” There were one or two women who might be possible, but both had light hair instead of dark. And neither seemed his type at all.

“Hello.”

Dean turned to see a guy in an old style Dracula suit complete with tacky fangs.

“Hey,” he answered with some uncertainty. Why was this guy staring at him?

“Is your blood type A positive, because you are aesthetically pleasing.”

Dean blinked. He couldn’t have just heard what he thought he heard. It didn’t even make sense. “Excuse me?”

“Is your blood type A positive,” he repeated, “because you are aesthetically pleasing.”

Okay, Dean did hear what he thought he heard. But was it supposed to be a pickup line? What the fuck did it even mean? This was as confusing as hell and the dude was weird. “What?”

“Do you need me to repeat it again?” Dracula asked. “The music is rather loud.”

“No, I heard ya. Um… right back at you,” Dean said awkwardly, just hoping the guy would leave. He didn’t; they both stood in silence until Dean caught sight of Benny the Zombie Sea Captain. Dean left Dracula to say hi to his friend.

“What sort of lame excuse for a costume is that?” Benny said with a laugh. “Thought you hated Halloween?”

“Don’t get me started. I wouldn’t have expected to see you here either.”

“Well that’s where you’re wrong, brother. This is a party, and parties are fun. I’m the soul of fun, so if there’s a party I’m there.”

“Whatever you say,” said Dean.

“Hey, I think Dracula’s checking you out.”

“What?” Dean looked around, and sure enough Dracula was staring at him from a little ways away. “Dude, what is with that guy?”

Benny only laughed before making his way to the dance floor. Dean walked in the opposite direction to get out of Dracula’s eye line. He pushed his way to another corner with a view. While standing there, someone dropped some potato chips as they brushed past. Dean leaned down to brush the greasy crumbs from his pants. When he stood upright again he was practically nose to nose with Dracula.

“Holy—What the hell? Personal space.” Dean gave the guy a light push back. Dracula’s eyes narrowed with a little confusion.

“My apologies, but is that a stake, or are you just happy to see me.”

“There’s no steak at this party,” Dean replied immediately. Then his brain caught up. Oh my god. What? “Wait. No. Dude, are you hitting on me?”

“I thought that was obvious,” he answered. “Did the lines I used not adequately convey my intentions?”

Dean blinked. “Uh… not really. No.”

“Oh.” Dracula dropped his head with obvious disappointment. “I’m not used to doing this. Perhaps I shouldn’t have bothered you.”

“Hey, I’m all for cheesy pickup lines. Maybe you just need some practice. And some better lines.”

“What would you suggest?”

“Uh… hmm… Okay, I’ve got one. My fangs have been driving me nuts; they’re itching to bite into your neck.”

“That’s terrible,” Dracula said.

“Hey, you weren’t doing any better! I mean, okay, the stake joke was fine. That was my fault for not catching on. But A positive and aesthetically pleasing? What the fuck is that?”

“It’s a pun. A positive is one of the blood types, and being aesthetically pleasing is considered a positive trait.”

Dean brought a hand to his head only to whack himself with the paper towels. He set them aside. “It’s not ‘aesthetically pleasing.’ No one talks like that. You just say you think I’m hot. Can you come up with a pun for hot?”

Dracula squinted in thought. “No.”

“Wait,” said Dean. “Got it. Hot, sun, vampire, right? So what about, ‘are you the sun, because my blood’s boiling?’”

Dracula nodded enthusiastically. “That one is very good. Or… your eyes sparkle like my skin in sunlight.”

“Dude! Not cool!” Dean practically shouted. “You just ruined any cool you might have had with Twilight. No sparkling, capiche?”

“I capiche. So I suck, how about you suck and we make this a party?”

Dean splurtted out the drink he was about to swallow. “Shit. Okay, that’s better.”

Dracula seemed very pleased. Happy was a good look on the guy. They kept trading pickup lines.

“Want to go out for a _bite_?”

“You drive me batty.”

“You look dead sexy. Literally.”

“Rigor mortis is just great stamina.”

“I’ve got a coffin for two with your name on it.”

“Nice cape. It’d look better on my floor.”

“You're so beautiful I think my heart just stopped beating. Wow, it really did!”

“My heart doesn’t have to beat for me to know it wants you.”

“Are you sure you aren’t the vampire, because your eyes have me mesmerized.”

“I’m up for a monster mash with you.”

“Wasn’t I at your funeral?”

Dean had no idea how much time passed, but it was too soon that Lisa Braeden came up and begged for a dance with him. With an apology to Dracula, Dean walked to the dance floor.

Lisa was nice enough, and definitely hot. Dean had been considering asking her out. Now that she was going on and on about how great her yoga class was, and that she was going to focus on that in her phys ed major, the temptation had increased. But then Dean would glance over and see Dracula staring at them. For some reason, words just fell out of Dean’s brain and were left unsaid. Since he was so silent the dance turned awkward. Thankfully it was soon over. Dean found himself next to Benny again.

“How goes the blind date Charlie set you up on?”

“She told you, did she?”

Benny nodded. “Not the best with secrets, our Miss Bradbury.”

“Well, I haven’t seen ‘em.”

“What do you mean? You were laughing and having a good old time with him before Miss Bendy stole you away.”

“What? No, I was just hanging out with that Dracula dude.”

Benny nodded with a meaningful stare.

Dean thought about it, trying to tell if any dark haired, blue eyed girl came near them. No, just Dracula with his weird staring eyes. Blue eyes. Holy fuck, blue eyes, dark hair. No, it should have been a girl. Wait, Charlie never said it would be. She avoided those sort of pronouns. But dreamy? Okay, maybe, sort of, if one was into dudes. But he wasn’t. But why didn’t he ask Lisa out? He was distracted by Dracula. He had been having more fun with him. He actually preferred hanging with a dude. And trading pickup lines? Flirting much? Oh my god, he had been flirting with a dude. The guy had said his intentions were obvious. And Dean had just… Oh my god. Those eyes were kind of gorgeous. And he had always wondered what it would be like to kiss a guy with stubble. No, he wasn’t gay. Sure sometimes he watched gay porn, but it wasn’t like he was into it. It was just… incredibly hot when he pictured it with Dracula. Shit.

“Charlie set me up with a dude,” Dean said dumbly.

“Yup.”

“Am I gay?”

Benny laughed. “Well, you sure as hell ain’t straight. Not with that massive crush on Dr. Sexy.”

“Hey, the nurses are hot!”

“Yeah, but you don’t want to do the nurses, you want to _be_ the nurses. Face it, brother, Charlie found a good match for you and he’s a guy. The Queen’s queerdar never lies.”

“Fuck.” Dean looked around the room but couldn’t find Dracula. “I don’t even know the guy’s name.”

Dean searched through the crowd but couldn’t find the guy anywhere. He tried looking for Charlie and asking her, but she was rather occupied making out with the fairy she had spotted earlier. It would serve her right to disturb her, but Dean couldn’t bring himself to do it. He couldn’t let her be right as well as see him desperate. How in the hell did this evening go so wrong?

Dean left the party miserable. He was just going to go back to his dorm, but along the way he spotted his favorite bakery. They had the town’s best coffee and pie that rivaled even his mother’s. If ever there was a time for some self-pity and indulgence, now was it. He walked in and ordered at the counter. When he turned to find a seat, he spotted dark hair and a vampire cape sitting in a corner booth with his back to him.

“No way,” Dean muttered. But sure enough after checking the guy’s reflection in the window, it was Dracula. Dean walked over to the booth. “So you suck, and I suck, let’s make it a party.”

Dracula looked up with surprise. “Did you follow me?” he accused.

“Sadly, no.” The guy didn’t object, so Dean sat down across from him and continued. “I didn’t see you leave. This is just one hell of a coincidence.”

Dracula only stared at him.

“Listen, dude, I’m sorry. I knew Charlie was setting me up, but I didn’t know it was with a guy.”

“You’re not gay,” Dracula said morosely. “Charlie insisted you were, but you didn’t seem… well, I guess it doesn’t matter.”

“Uh, well… the thing is,” Dean scratched the back of his neck. “I’ve never been with a dude, and I certainly never expected to be… but I’d really like to get to know you… and maybe… give it a try. If you want.”

He tilted his head. “Are you sure?”

“Listen, tonight, the pickup lines? I had no idea you and I were flirting because it’s never been that much fun before. I think I could do fun.”

“Your lack of a true costume would imply otherwise.”

“Hey, just ‘cuz I don’t like Halloween doesn’t mean I don’t know fun. I’m putting myself out here. If you don’t want to then I’ll just go.”

“No,” he said quickly. “No, don’t go. Fun sounds nice.”

“Okay,” Dean said. “So, um, can I get your name? Because I don’t think you want me calling you Dracula all the time. It’s kinda weird.”

“I’m Castiel,” he said with a smile.

“Nope, I was wrong,” said Dean. “Dracula’s perfectly normal next to that.”

Castiel swung a fist at Dean’s arm and glared. “What about your name, Mr. So Brawny I’m Obviously Not Overcompensating For Something?”

“Hey!” Dean said indignantly, but he was smiling. “It’s Dean. And one day I might just prove you wrong about that over compensating thing.”

“I look forward to it.”

* * *

 

It was Halloween again, and Charlie decided to make her common room costume party a yearly thing. She had hoped that she could have been dressed as Han Solo to Gilda’s Princess Leia, but her fairy queen had transferred to a university closer to home over the summer. Instead Charlie was a different type of solo and rocking the I Dream of Jeanie harem look.

“Charlie, you make straight men weep,” said a space pirate.

“Sorry, Benny, I can’t shut this down.”

“Have you seen Dean?” Benny asked.

“No. I told him about the party, but I don’t know if he still has that thing against Halloween.”

“Apparently not.” Benny pointed to one corner where Dr. Frankenstein was making out with his monster.

“Well that doesn't look sanitary. I better break them up before someone calls the cops about the indecent exposure.” Charlie walked over to Dean and Cas. “Hey, guys!”

They separated and Dean stared at her blankly with a dopey expression. “Hey, Charlie.”

“So why's Dr. Frankenstein wearing cowboy boots?” Charlie asked Cas.

“It was Dean's idea,” Cas answered.

“Cowboy boots are sexy!” Dean protested.

“No, cowboy boots are part of Dr. Sexy's outfit, with whom you are absolutely obsessed.”

“It's a compromise,” Dean said with a forced smile. He pointed to the bolts on his neck. “Because someone here is absolutely obsessed with old horror movies.”

The two young men stared at each other for longer than was comfortable for Charlie. She cleared her throat.

“I don't know why I put up with you,” Cas said at last to Dean.

“Eh, you love me.”

“And you love me back.”

“Damn right I do.”

“Oh god,” Charlie muttered as she walked away from the nauseatingly cute display of affection. “Why did I do this to myself? Why the hell did I get them together?”


End file.
